Incredible Connection Blog | Dedicated to Technology, Dedicated to You

I am so not a gamer.

A gamer by my definition is someone who has earrings in orifices that shouldn’t have earrings. A gamer is someone who wears his jeans way below an acceptable level to show off slim hips and Calvin Klein underwear. A gamer is someone who has huge dual screen monitors at home, and can go a whole weekend surviving on an oversized packet of Flings and a half can of Appletiser. Gamers are proud of being gamers and have LAN – Lips And Nails?? – parties in the garages of friends’ houses where they take their PC’s which are as individual as they are to share in the world of Starcraft. Hmmm, Starcraft sounds like witchcraft in the solar system to me, but hey, I’m not a gamer, so what do I know???

Gamers can also be console people – now, I would’ve thought a console is one of those things you collect your trendy Fendi luggage from at an airport after a long flight, but I work in the “gamer” world so console has become a part of my vocab and sometimes I think I know what I’m talking about. Sometimes. Playstation, Xbox, Nintendo…..sounds like DKNY, Christian Dior and Issey Miyake to me but for boys. Why does gaming always attract a male association? It can’t be because they’re brighter than us, it can’t be because they don’t spend their money on Nine West shoes and it can’t be because girls would rather be entertained by chick flicks and ice rinks. Boys must be on to something, so I decide to give it a try.

Gaming is an intimidating word. It sounds complicated, involved, very serious and so male. But I am determined to find out the secret, so I try a Nintendo Wii. Only because it’s the only console in the office that I can try and only because it’s in a separate room so nobody can see me making a fool out of myself because I’m holding the controller upside down. But it still makes me nervous and my palms sweat a little but I want to try.

The games seem fairly simple – I have a choice of tennis, golf (you see, male again!), bowling or baseball. I choose tennis because I played a game once when I was 11 so I think I might know how. It starts off showing me exactly which buttons to press – that’s my kind of game – and I launch into a best of 3 tennis match with characters that have ill-defined features wearing pastel coloured paper cut out clothing and stiff limbs. I have heard so much about graphics and how realistic games can look (from a man of course) but Nintendo Wii is so simple. I think that’s what I like. Simple characters, simple actions, simple game play. But I play again. And again. And again. My arms are aching from the aces, the rallies and the 11 times I play. Yes, 11. I am so stiff that I feel like I’ve done a 180 minute spinning class at Virgin Active. My hair is sticking to my forehead – so male – but I am having the time of my life. I call my work colleagues to watch me and see how good I am because I now know how to restart the game, how to push the right button so my forehand is faster and how to play doubles. I am so impressed, so addicted and so excited.

I think I just became a gamer. Okay, maybe just a social gamer where I can play for 2 minutes or 2 hours, but it’s fun. It’s fast and addictive and so girly. Okay, boys play it too, but my mother-in-law can even have fun, it’s that simple. I’m addicted.

Now I’m off to buy an oversized packet of Flings and a litre of Appletiser!